patchworkorange

This week, it was just boss and I (well, mon-tues). He told me first thing that they're getting rid of our Direct to Consumer e-commerce offerings. Which means, my life goal at Cropp/Organic Valley, getting into E-Commerce, which we're finally doing in my department and I LOVE, (besides the fact that it's the only thing keeping us busy right now), is leaving.

Leaving us with absolutely nothing to do. Looking forward to a big move to a distribution center NOT set up for what we actually do (dishes,laundry etc), having to wear hard hats in a separate room to meet BRC standards, no gum or snacks, nothing but water bottles......there is absolutely nothing keeping me there. While we have great perks (covered massage pay, wellness money, HSA deposit to offset the high deductible)....I just feel like our positions are teetering on the brink of dispersal, we almost lost them already.

I'm at peace with the fact that I have to let Organic Valley go. It is not the "cool" job I got in 2005. It is now corporate with the cover of the cooperative name. I really need to find something else.

So I thought about what I'd really like to do and what I've found interest in (medical coding). I asked our neighbor friend how she got into it and she convinced me that it's starting to get very competitive and that I'd need a certain degree to be considered eligible for any open positions, even if there ARE any. She said that they're just not filling open roles and just passing work to others...so I basically put the idea out of my head. Until I glanced at the local hospital listings and right there, they're searching for a coder. So, taking it as a sign, I looked into the schooling needed.

Mentioned it to my sister and she looked herself at the listings. There is an open Pharmacy Technician position that she suggested applying for. And believe it or not.....it's my job, just with medication. Variety, multi-tasking, documentation.....cropp 2 and cheese room combined. So I worked on my resume (that was a feat, getting it from old Macbook to desktop- thank you back up hard drive and past forethought and the purchase of a USB to USBc adapter). Got my 3 references (library director, library coworker and OV coworker) and sent it on its way. I also applied for a Patient Representative position.

I figure the medical field is going to offer me the most security in this crazy world. Yes, I'll take a pay cut from the start, but the range in pay is huge. I have not told my boss or department about this, and won't until I'm offered something. I feel like if I made it known that I'm actively searching, I'll be the first considered cutting to save money....seems the co-op is hiring more and more 6 figure directors and giving the little folk nothing. Moving everyone into buildings that make no sense and selling their properties. Cropp II Warehouse will be empty of the co-op. And the staff of 3 full time and 1 semi retired will be close to 2 semi retired and boss is actively searching as well.

One of the great things about the Pharmacy Tech job is, my boss would be my past high school class mate and library patron. So I have that going for me :) I feel good asking OV coworker for her reference since we provide items to her department (that serves farmers and their meetings). So she has a first knowledge look at their future too (even though her boss already knows and fought for us to keep our jobs).

So much going on but I feel it's time to make a quick getaway.

but.....KAMALA HARRIS!!!! Am I right??!?!?

Beyond that, life is incredibly stressful and incredibly boring all at once. What a friggin lazy assed summer. We have done nothing fun, all I've done is basically doom scrolling up until Biden handed off the reins to Kamala, where I now "excitement scroll"...is that a thing?

We are planning a big beach wedding weekend in September, for his niece's wedding. I think having weddings like this ask an incredible amount from people; in stress, wasted money, etc. After our disaster of a Vegas weekend away in the winter, he's worried and totally killing the vibe. Beyond the fact that he now decides he doesn't need a job (basically having a tantrum because boss is on vacation and boss' kid thinks he runs the show), I'm worried.

He didn't go to work on Friday after spending all night stress cleaning his garage and now says "don't worry, I'll have the "rent money".....ONE thing, it's not rent (unless you decide to break your lease and move on out- or get evicted), another thing.....we all remember what happened when he told me for a YEAR that we'd have our down payment on the mortgage, don't worry). Until THAT MORNING when my mother decided to save our ass and gift us the down payment)....he had been planning on borrowing it from boss. Until boss told him "sorry, can't do it".

But we don't talk about that one.

Anyway, at this point, flights are booked and paid for. Park and Fly is booked/reserved. Room is booked (not yet paid). That's the thing: we're staying at Sleep Inn on the Beach in Orange Beach Alabama. I originally booked a cheaper room with a boulevard view. I've heard nothing but complaints about "not even having a beach view". Little does he know I've actually booked a Gulf view room at his statement that no one had ever truly surprised him.....so, SURPRISE! He'll walk in to a gulf view room with a balcony. But of course, that room is way more expensive and CAN be cancelled up until the day before. I really don't want to have to cancel anything.

We have our clothing. Have our "something blue" gift (an embroidered handkerchief with bride and groom's name...."for your happy tears" with the date. We have our park n fly....still need to book our shuttle from airport to hotel (and back). But beyond that....all we need is cash for tips and souvenirs and other incidentals. I think we're otherwise set.

But still.....leave me hanging on money stress. I'm just hoping Monday comes around and he realizes he's being silly and goes to work. Friday is payday and I'm expecting his half!

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Beyond all of this, work is okay. But I watch our beloved cooperative turn corporate and it's so hard. I'm considered what they call "a legacy" employee now. The aren't many OG Croppies (cropp/cooperative region of organic producer pools) employees). So even with that.....jobs teeter on the brink. All of our old upper management is gone, (all mysteriously "retired") and you never hear about employees or anything. With our new hybrid work people do not even need to meet anymore. COVID totally changed the world.....but I am finally feeling the respect I've wanted for years. Even my boss will ask questions about the event properties and asks me to deal with finding/deleting from inventory since the guys have no idea HOW or WHERE.

Bryan is semi retired now, working only Mon-Wed. Kevin is on his way toward that soon, so what happens after? Mitch and I cannot run the Cropp II show togetherk some events are just too large for 2 people to handle pulling and preparing.

But I'll cross that bridge when I have to. Did I tell you my daughter Zoe is giving my first granddaughter a sister? Due in early november....so if it's anything like Daisy, Zoe will go mid October lol. 2 birthdays in October!

Well, Jeremy's 50th birthday trip was a total bust....but we were able to turn it around. Wisconsin weather, you know.

We were supposed to leave last Wednesday, but a storm was brewing in the future, so we thought to get to Madison ahead of time so we didn't have to travel through a storm. We booked a room at the Comfort Inn & Suites, with the free shuttle to airport. That was a great hotel experience, failed to bring swimsuits to enjoy the hot tub, but the continental breakfast was a great and the sexy times were appreciated, ha!

Then next morning, we were off on the shuttle to the airport. Let me preface it all by saying Jeremy has HUGE anxiety over flying. He'd only ever been on a plane once pre-911, so today's flying was totally different for him. But we got on the plane without a hitch, he enjoyed a canned White Russian before the flight (which he thought was an awesome offering), and we boarded. We were in different groups (he was in group behind me), so he was kind of on his own scanning his boarding pass that I'd sent to his phone.

The flight was great, even though we had to wait about 40 min while they de-iced the plane (which led to his increased anxiety). The flight was about 1.75 hrs or so, to Charlotte NC (yea, don't ask me). Flight attendant could not tell me anything about our connecting flight status (since we were a bit behind) and told us to talk to the agent at the gate for more info.

Once we landed, notifications started blowing up and I found out our flight to Vegas was cancelled. They didn't offer hotel rooms for weather related cancellations, so we were in the airport for the night. I was offered multiple options for connections to Vegas, but we were on a time frame. Most would not get us there till evening, where we'd be so exhausted, we'd sleep it away till his drive the next morning. So I took the earliest option which brought us BACK to Chicago O'Hare. I knew Jeremy's nerves could be totally shot by then, and we'd be closer to home.

So we stayed in Charlotte airport all night, across from a crying young mother and her little 3 yr old, trying desperately to get her to sleep on the uncomfortable benches. We eventually struck conversation, and she was on her way home to New Mexico and HER connection was cancelled as well. She too took the option to Chicago. The airport was high stress; long lines of people looking for alternate flights, a poor teenage girl alone totally freaking out because they kept changing her gate and she was alone and on the phone with someone trying to calm her down. Myself and young woman tried to help her, take a deep breath, look at the signs, go straight ahead etc. Ugh.

Jeremy was able to settle down on the nasty floor under the benches. I tried but laid in a wet/cold spot, so I was up and walking around the open gift shops where I found a couple pillows that turned into blankets. At least we'd have a place to lay our heads, they really came in handy.

Finally, we were on our flight back to Chicago. This was a short one and we arrived about 8 am. Our original connection to Vegas was supposed to be at 9 am something. But the minute we got off the plane, my notification told me our gate and time changed to the afternoon. After that night, I knew we were done. There was really no use in spending a couple hrs sleeping before his Lamborghini drive the next morning. So we put our heads together, made some calls and grabbed the Van Garder (sp?) bus to Madison and home.

I at least was able to have his supercar experience changed to open and he has 5 yrs to do it now. Planes and hotels had insurance.....but proving everything required is too difficult and I'm just done. Chalk it up to a pricey trip to the Charlotte airport.

We did turn it all around and went to the Dells, where I indulged in some emotional Coach shopping and Jeremy gambled with mom and sis at HoChunk. So all was not lost.

His mom had given me a cute backpack that I'd taken on the trip. And that backpack proved to be a savior in holding our snacks, being a makeshift pillow, holding my stress and tears. So that's what called me in Coach; a black leather backpack. I put it back and almost didn't get it, until we saw a young couple in Kay jewelers (while cleaning my ring), looking for their own ring. She had the black Coach backpack, and it was beautiful.

I took it as a sign to fall off my long Coach wagon I'd ridden. Heh.....

It's really amazing how things just happen....

Put my notice in at the library to focus on becoming a Remote Online Notary...into a future as a NSA (notary signing agent, where the money is), next year's resolution. Right?

Well. Monday I received notice that my Notary submission was approved!! Yee haw, first step down, meaning I can move on to the next step of purchasing my signing agent training and doing the work toward completion of that training.

We then find out that the co-op will be hosting their Regional Meetings *virtually* next year, gulp.

50% if not more of my work is focused around providing supplies for those meetings. Drink dispensers. Roasters for lunch. Paper supplies to serve food. Table covers. Table runners. Etc etc etc. And then the washing and clean up after they return.

What the hell will we be doing? Who's gonna lose their job?

Thank you Universe, for the 'Ah Hah!' brainstorm of this future career endeavor. How long did I search for it and it comes like a lightbulb at the exact right time.

Ugh.

So yea, it's been a week. Sunday, we were driving home from somewhere, town maybe? Can't remember....but I realized that the library "Open" sign was still on. So I decided it'd be nice of me to run back and turn it off, mostly so I didn't get yelled at, lol. Saturday, I was working with the new library director who stayed long after I left and she must have failed to do it. Anyway....

I was driving Park St. Park St is the road that brings you up to Main Street from the country. It's a road I take regularly. Crossing Park St a block below Main, is Black River Ave. This street has a stop sign at Park.

I was driving-*WHAM!*, glasses are knocked off as my body lurches violently, car spins a 180 back the other way. Disorienting. Scary. Out of the blue. It took me a couple of seconds to catch my breath, find my glasses, assess my health. I get out of the car to a teenager stating how sorry he was. I still really have no memory of HOW it happened. But neighbors came running at the sound. Asking me if I was alright, did I need a doctor....at the moment, I knew I'd wrenched my back but felt ok.

Called Jeremy, I swear he was there is 5 min. Cop came to do a police report. Talked insurance. Never got the kid's name, or his grandfather. We were on our way, one girl urged me to call the doctor, she didn't want me suffering for years like she did....sudden movements can cause permanent damage.

I was able to drive my grinding, rubber smelling car home....Jeremy then took it up to the shop and cut out the fender so I could at least drive it to work. But the car is bad. Totaled, thankfully along the back door and fender, NOT the driver's door (where I probably would have been terribly injured with that one). Grateful grateful.

Eventually, my back started hurting. Jeremy said "I'm taking you in", so I went to the ER. They did X rays, all fine. Then my neck started throbbing, did a CT scan. All good. Sent home with instructions to take 600 mg ibuprofen and 1000 tylenol every 6 hrs. Recheck in 3-5 days.

Next morning, my upper back was like a rock. I chose to stay home, thankfully I did....the phone rang off the hook from insurance and people checking in. I'd sit up, get sore so I'd lay down. Get sore so I'd sit up, until I got sore.....etc etc. Today, I'm feeling better. My recheck was today and I passed.....keep up pain meds if needed, find massages, let them know if I'm not better in two more weeks (three wks from accident).

Jeremy took monday off too, and took it upon himself to take the car himself to our body shop where they inspected and declared it a total loss. So then, he called our banker.....was pre-approved and went to the dealership to strike up a deal for my dream vehicle. The deal was that they'd put new brakes and rotors all around, which they agreed.

We picked up the 2018 Jeep Renegade Trailhawk on Wednesday, with brand new brakes. 40k miles. I signed up for far to0 much roadside assistance to the tune of 7k over, but I know we're set for the life of the vehicle, really. AND, found out that the pay off amount PLUS my initial claim for deer damage (that had already been approved and closed, just waiting on my week) will add up to almost 10k, bringing my car loan down to the limit I set for myself!!

Paid off 22k worth of debt, added on 20k lol! Easy come, easy go, right?

After a visitation yesterday, I have found my own views of others having cleared. I have clarity. I don't know why or where it came from, but my own world has changed so much that the difference in others is apparent.

I will never ever ever say that I'm "wealthy" because I surely am not. I am STILL living paycheck to paycheck but only because of design....I'm still actively budgeting, paying cash and tracking spending with the goal of saving my 3 month emergency savings (and damn, who knew it'd be so difficult lol). But I am in a completely different place than I was 3 yrs ago. Once that savings is complete, the amount of immediate cash will be fruitful.

I have two debts that I'm actively paying down, both are 0% totaling about 2k so payoff will be easy. I'm contributing to my company's full match to my 401k. I was just able to pay our whole year's home insurance from my mutual fund. I am able to cash flow much of our immediate needs. I am never hurting for money. And my mentality has completely changed. That is probably why my view has changed.

The visitation yesterday was for a family member's adult child, who probably died of overdose. This family is part of my kids' family....Josh's (dad) uncle Tom. Tom and Ann (wife) are Josh's uncle and aunt, so related to my kids. Their daughter Pamela was the daughter who passed. If you remember years of journal entries, Josh's family is huge. I've known them all since the late 80's and it's a huge stew of people from all walks of life. Tom and Ann seem to choose poverty.

They were not prepared to pay for an adult child's death. I have absolutely no idea if they even have a savings account. Sounds like Tom gave a lot of money to all three of the adult daughters, which left him without. They're the sort who are absolutely anti-vax, and only because of their "rights". So through the pandemic, the family was split from the others who wanted to do their part for the greater good.....all are fully vaxxed etc. When Pamela died, older sister started a GoFund Me to help her parents out.

Me, I was the first to donate from the family (and I'm not necessarily family anymore). This then led to Josh donating, Havalah after, brother Isaac, ex MIL Pam etc. And I was really surprised to see all of them at the visitation yesterday.....it was in Viroqua and they traveled from the cities to attend. Cousins Karen and Sher arrived with grandpa Fred Sr in his wheelchair, all of their children from the cities were there etc. That's another part of the family who has always chosen to live off the state (Karen and Sher even moved from La Crosse WI to Minneapolis because they lost their assistance in WI). I remember back then, the little boys watched gutters and sidewalks for found change out on walks. They literally grew up in poverty, on purpose.

But the OTHER half of the family is now in real estate investing; Josh bought a duplex with new wife years ago, it is now an air b&b after they've bought another house. His parents own multiple properties etc. And I could FEEL the difference between families.

And it's sad to say, I WANT to feel wealthy. Well off? Not a victim of anything, at the very least. But not in "looks", but more in accounts.

The hard work that I went through was worth it. I made it through from there, to here. And I will retire gracefully....while I do not know if I'll ever be in the "real estate" world, I'll at least have investments to use someday. That is important to me. Thom quit his long time job because of a vax or testing ruling at his job, so stupid.

I remember when Josh was first doing his own financial journey, he told me "your financial situation is not MY problem". I could have fought back saying he never paid child support, Scott Walker took my Food Share away etc etc. But in the end, he was right.....it was mine. And I found my way through it.

Eyes wide open all around.

back in oh.....1997? A young 27-something housewife got a new-ish computer and was introduced to the World Wide Web. The early days of the internet seemed a barren landscape, not very many things of interest, minimal quilt sites, but there was one site that offered a plethora of interaction and that site was a quaint little "chat room" complex with rooms that ranged from friendly, to all out porn.

Bianca's Smut Shack.

Nowadays, the friends made through the site remember fondly the interaction, and the relationships....but for this young housewife back then, the writing capabilities were endless. I can't remember the room that enticed me, but it was anonymous and safe and I started my first ever post. I can't even remember what the subject was.....can't remember the tone. All I remember was that my screen name was Jag (after Jagnightwalker, my original screen names back then based on a series of dreams I had, what I'd considered "spirit animal" dreams). I left the post open ended for interaction.....

Throughout time, many "regulars" became continual commenters on Jag's posts, one user being "AP". The posts and interaction between Jag and AP became shows of humor, intellect, and eventually....passion, foreplay and desire. Screen fantasies were hot, the synergy for all to see was palpable. Eventually Jag and AP took the conversations private. It wasn't until then, that she learned who AP was. His name was Adam Parker, and he lived in Australia.

Jag and AP were well known now as real people who were slowly, REALLY falling in love in front of the eyes of Bianca's Smut Shack. We talked so much about our lives; she was married and unhappy, he was married and unhappy. Phone cards and a program called "Cool Talk" was introduced into the equation, and the rest is history.

I left my marriage to be with Adam. We had an apartment. I got pregnant. He was (at the time) undiagnosed Aspergers syndrome and it was extremely difficult to maintain a relationship. Long distance, pregnant and sick, a man who either smothered me in tears and emotion, or froze me with coldness. Extremely difficult. But the love always remained.

Adam died on July 5th 2021, AUS time, from a sudden diagnosis of stage 4 metastatic renal cancer. July 4th, in the USA. Right before the fireworks started. We shall remember his passionate personality every year. But boy was he ready to fight that diagnosis and had the best outlook, his body just didn't play along.

Tristan looks and acts so much like him....DNA isn't a joke! Tristan is musically talented as Adam always was, he's intelligent, and now he vows to carry Adam's heart with all he does in life. Adam loved everyone and inspired so many and Tris wants to do that in his honor. It helps him to read memorials from Adam's friends on FB, and to see pics of young Adam. The resemblance is eerie and uncanny.

As for me, I know that the innocence and naivete of Jag and AP will remain in my heart forever. Such a loss, far too soon. I will miss your friendship and influence, my dear friend.

HOLY SHIT, I MADE IT!!!! Thoughts, revelations and resulting brain dump at the halfway point on a debt free journey:

Today, I can declare that I've made it to my #1 GOAL in my Debt Free Journey, which is being down to my LAST two (consumer) debts- my car loan through my local credit union (2.4% interest), and a Visa through the same (7%). The reason this was the first real bench mark for me is because, while they are the highest balances in my snowball, they are the lowest interests and will bang out quickly. Plus, they're local from a co-op..... All the little ankle biter debts are paid and GONE!!!

I'm not against charge cards, never have been. I've just learned that I'm not GOOD with them. Why create debt if I have a savings (well, besides the obvious cash back or air miles)? I remember a time as a single mother, when every card I owned was maxed out simply because I didn't know how to manage the money I brought home. That debt was money borrowed that I didn't have to spend in the first place! If there's one thing I've learned, it's that if I can't afford the item or the emergency with actual money or savings, I probably don't need it at all (unless of course, it's a major expense like a well or septic). It's hard when you're on your own with 4 children at home.....I'm not alone anymore and I am so grateful. At this point in time, over a year later....I have the money to back words up, at the very least.

In October of 2019, after filling our 1K emergency fund back up (flood-wipe out-start again)....I started my zero based budget/cash envelope debt payoff journey. At that point, I was looking at 10 lines of credit equalling almost 24K. Personal loans, furniture, appliances, vet bills, Amazon and Paypal, Capital One and Discover cards, car loan and personal charge card....

I found myself at a point where I had NO extra money to speak of and it was a very slow process in the beginning. All of the debts we accumulated together were on my spreadsheet to pay monthly (I've declared myself the accountant of the household so basically I get to figure out HOW to pay for everything). Jeremy really wanted nothing to do with the finances so let me take control with the money he gives me every paycheck combined with my income.

Seems we'd have a lot of extra money if I was putting it in savings rather than throwing at the debt....but that's what I'm doing this for, to be ABLE to save. That's definitely the one thing I'm following from Ramsey, 1K in savings while you pay off all consumer debt. And Jeremy admits to knowing nothing about how credit card bills work and finding himself in trouble. It really is better if I just deal with it and he pays me a little extra to make sure his stuff is paid on time.

So here I am, down to car loan, and my credit union card. A total of $11,336.08 remains of my lowest interest debts. I've paid off $12,346.20 of that $23682.26. I would probably be way closer had we not needed emergency vet care and wisdom teeth removal....but it was easy enough to take care of by halting the snowball and cash flowing those bills, jumping back into the snowball fight when paid.

It's so easy to get tired of sacrificing, and being frustrated at the long haul though. Seems I'm OVER HALFWAY THERE, financially and time wise. I know I wouldn't be able to do this without my premium pay from my work through COVID. I took advantage of that bitch and used it!! So, here we go....snowball is rolling downhill now and my payments now that I'm on the car are (at least) $587. When you're using the snowball method, you attack your lowest balance, paying minimums on everything else. When that lowest is gone, you use THAT minimum and combine it with the next, so that 587 is a combination of my car payment + the minimums on all paid off before it (plus more if you can). The snowball gets bigger as your debt gets smaller.

Some things I've learned:

1. Not everyone believes in you and your goals, and many will have "friendly" know-it-all advice telling you "You'll always have debt". Even those closest to you who can't manage money OR bills, and don't really care to. It all comes from envy, even if it's masked as a lesson.

2. You're only proving your own goals and life TO YOURSELF. Everyone else can either shut up, or fuck right off. That's the mentality you'll need to find.

3. Setting goals and following them is one of the most difficult, and empowering lessons learned. And sacrifice can come easier and easier the closer goals become.

4. People will start to notice your ongoing success, and find inspiration in it. I have had no less than 5 friends here message me privately for info on how to get started, or how I'm doing my budget. I love having friends on their own debt free journeys supporting my goals and sharing/celebrating their own. It's like it's own little community!

5. Even though my goals are what they are does not mean husbands' are the same. There ARE people who believe money is meant to be spent ("you can't take it with you").....I've discovered that I would rather "spend" toward my future and get to the point of having a fully funded emergency fund (3-6 mths in savings) and be able to invest more into my 401K so I CAN retire. Maybe without toys, but whatever. Not too much to ask :)

Biggest thing I've learned, there isn't much of anything that I NEED but security in my future.

6. Ramsey Solutions: I've discovered that I'm not a die hard Dave follower, you may even call me "Dave-ish". There are things that I do not agree with, his bible influence on the plan at hand. While there are some "common sense" Bible influences, I am not Christian and would NEVER give regular budgeted money to a tax exempt institution like a church. I'm also not a Conservative. Also, his verbal and anger based "support", calling people STUPID etc. That's not cool with me. BUT, I have found that the basic plan is working for me....

7. I've heard that I only care about money. This is absolutely NOT TRUE. I care about intention. Every single penny I spend has a home....and every dollar has a path to follow. I spend intentionally, I save intentionally, I stuff cash envelopes every pay period with intention. This really has nothing to do with the money portion....it's the intention on a debt free journey. I will never again mindlessly swipe a debit card. I will never take money from savings that I'm not paying back (unless it's planned). I will never think I have "extra money" after bills are paid, if I have debt to pay. That mentality is how I ended up here attempting to pay it all off. NEVER AGAIN.

8. and finally, I'm thinking MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: starting and continuing on a debt free journey is definitely behavior modification. Learning how and holding yourself accountable. The only thing keeping you away from your goals is YOURSELF. Point blank, full stop.

I do not know if I'll ever get to the point of paying off the mortgage since we're starting so late (and husband isn't totally on board), but at least I'll personally be in a way better place when I'm putting more into my future retirement. Husband is perfectly fine owing money right now.....So I'm letting him not care about his own future money, while I actually WORK with and hopefully enhance mine :)

Two very different people having two completely different results. And it's ok by me :). I DO know, you cannot do any of this without a budget!!!


All in all, I made it to my first personal financial goal!!!! Car loan, you're next!!

 Still working on moving more friends over...but it's me,  jagnightwalker.  Someone hacked my account, I have no idea who...but decided to send Jeremy's sister multiple strategic entries, or at least pointed the dates out within the entire thing.  It led to much hurt for the both of us....two days before he is moving here.

I don't even know who to trust on my friends list anymore.  Who even knows my username besides those I've been close to?  I still don't know...but judging by how it's happening this time of yr (anniversary of him leaving and divorcing the next yr), the only thing I can imagine is it's Jeffrey having some fun with some payback now that I'm really REALLY happy.  We all know how skilled he was at getting into my journal...and I witnessed him creating multiple bogus accounts specifically to fuck with people.

Bear with me.  I don't care that the last 9 yrs of my life will be down the tubes....to me it's all heartache anyway. Time to start fresh.